Who knew...

Some days are just meant to be about "self-discovery". So what have I discovered other than I will never fit into my high school jeans or be able to bounce up from split with gusto... Or make pancakes that are not gooey on the inside *sigh* (to admit such a failure is awful)...

When I graduated from high school, as soon as the cap was in the air, I knew I was free... I walked from my parents home that evening, not looking back, not even a glance... Because that was me, I didn't need permission, approval, I KNEW I could take care of myself and I have, always...

Even as relationships in my life happened I have fallen in love, but I never needed anyone, one very important part of myself I would never let another person have control over, I could always take care of myself, no matter what... through anything and everything... maybe this was a mistake... I think needing someone and having them fail you or use your need against you would be far worse than someone breaking your heart... I thought it was a sign of my strength, a trait to be admired... Now I know it has been the one thing that has always held me back, my true weakness, trusting someone enough to need them, to count on them in times of strife and pain, to let them in and see my worse fears, or maybe it was meeting a person that could see all of it despite me trying to hide it... Not sure... but I do know my shoulders are a little lighter, my eyes a little brighter and my heart is softer, today...