the fat man has left the building...Santa of course.

This year I kept my mother in the holiday by mastering her fudge recipe. No small feat.  It was the perfect blend of chocolate and creamy.  I knew if I could do it then my dad and brothers may feel just a little more of her presence with us this holiday.  Yesterday as my brothers tried it I saw the recognition and memories flit across their faces and I knew I nailed it.

Gingerbread boot camp this year was small and late, but still looked forward to by the little ones.

We have been waiting for the fence guy to fit us in his schedule and this past week was our turn. Originally we were going to just have wooden corner posts put in and new posts for the new gates that Joel had fabricated.  But we have had to fix this fence just too many times, so after getting new pricing we had all the posts replaced with wood and a hole new 4x2 fence put up.  The horse and sheep had just bent the other one to holy heck and for him to stretch the old beat up fence just didn't make sense, so we bit the bullet and put out the cash now.  We will be adding two strands of electric to keep them off the new fence.

This Christmas was really quiet.  Sam was on the road with her boyfriend and didn't meet up with us till 4pm on Sunday at my brothers.  Nate was working a 12 hour shift at his base hospital and could not make it home.  So Joel and I relaxed, cooked, puttered.  We joined the family for gift exchange and dinner.  It was simple and very much enjoyed.    My gift of wonderful flannel nightgowns from The Vermont Country Store, explained a strange phone call I received a few weeks ago from Joel that had me laughing and nervous about what I would get.

Joel called and asked what size are you?  an 8, 10?  I asked top or bottom?  Joel was like "huh? what's the size of your whole body?"  I told him sizes for women didn't work that way. I needed to know if it was top or bottom.  He still was insistent that he needed a size for my whole body so I said XL should do the trick.  But my imagination was running wild and I could not fathom what a whole body measurement was going to get me.   Whew....this one worked out.

Last week was my first week at my new job and I have to say I love the new work.  The people are nice, but it was terribly hard to leave the people I cared about at the old job. I found myself thinking about them a lot as my new co workers carried on conversations with the ease and familiarity that I had with my old crew and I found it odd to sit there silent, just smiling.

Then there was the relief to not have the pit in my stomach and throat every morning going in the office that had developed over time dealing with a difficult few.  I'm already finding that I want to do things that I have not wanted to do in a long time.  Stress is a funny thing, an invisible enemy that hides in corners you don't even know exist.

One day at a time.  Rebuilding is not done overnight.  This time I know more than last time, but not enough to be afraid.  

Next, is the New Years Party that will this year be at the Beckman's.