As time passed and my mothers illness finally came with a terminal diagnosis. We talked about signs. We had discussed them before but it always involved signs from others that had passed before us. Now we were talking about signs from her to me.
How I would know she was still here with me.
Signs are a huge part of our beliefs and I pay attention all the time. Almost everyday there is a hawk sitting on a phone line during my commute to work and I say "hello" to mom.
You see its been two and a half years and until my dad's passing I had not gone through much of anything at my parents home. My dad was happy that everything stay as it was. But now I don't have much choice.
I picked to tackle the bathroom first. Mom had some lovely violet prints that hung on the wall over the toilet and as I took them down to give them a good cleaning the second one gave me the gift of a blue jay feather. It floated down to the lid of the toilet and I lifted my face upward and sighed "oh, mom" I figured it was a "Thank you" for finally cleaning the bathroom or she wanted to say "Got Ya" , I can guarantee that at sometime my mother placed that feather there knowing someday I would find it.
I looked up the meaning of blue jay feathers and it had a particular meaning for what was happening in my life that very week. So we find signs when we are meant to, not before.
I have found notes in various places, one in particular was on grief, just jotted down on lined yellow paper, folded and tucked in a bunch of papers, knowing all of us would need it as we dealt with the blow of losing dad. Gone two and half years and she still finds a way to mother us.
Even now I feel like the luckiest kid in the world.
Hawk was one of my mothers favorite birds. The day after my dad's accident, my brother found a very large tail feather from a red tailed hawk on his deck right in front of the door. He knew mom was letting him know she was on the job and taking care of things.